“I feel [so outrageously un]stuck”

Cat wisdom #catsknowall

GrumpyCat #catsknowall

Ladies and gentlemen of the cacahuate gallery,

[FYI, y’aaaaaalll, “cacahuate” = peanut.]

Wow. It has been over two months… TWO MONTHS since I have last written a blog post. Not published a blog post, but written a blog post. And, my dear darlings (cause there are SO many of you), that is just far, far too long.

I write to you now from the Goddess Farm, aka the house of my dearest, most precious darling friend Nora, in Cuernavaca, Mexico. I have just drank 1.21 bottles of red wine, watched 2.7 episodes of Nashville (including the season 2 premiere), and am sitting with blank/not music-playing earphones at the table of the Goddess Farm.

In case you haven’t been reading along with the fun-and-sun gang (?), I was planning on moving back to the U.S. of America. Or “Awesome,” as I sometimes like to call it, depending on my mood, on the day, on the weather, on how much red wine I’ve had.

So I was going to move back to Portlandia (503 whad UP), and then I decided (it is nowhere in any blog post at all) that I was going to stay in Mexico. If not in Cuernavaca, in Mexico City. Reasonings as follows: 1) I love Mexico 2) I love Mexican men 3) I love Spanish 4) I love Mexico.

Simple enough, right?

Right.

erm, I mean, wrong.

Here is the Facebook status update that prompted me to write this semi-not-at-all-coherent blog post:

“I feel stuck. So naturally, I just ate brown sugar out of the jar and finished a bottle of white wine to compensate.”

Now, I must tell you two things:

1) I just hit the wrong button and thought I had deleted the blog post and I almost had a shit fit (then I realized that auto-save is my BESTEST of friends and ALWAYS has my back)

2) this quote was written on FBook by my Freshman year locker partner. yes, LOCKER partner. Not roomie. It was randomly assigned, and her spunk along with her creativity, cool glasses and absolutely beautiful personality just made me know in the deepest crevice of my heart that we would be friends forever (Bridge-Smidge, “you can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love” [Enrique stole those lyrics from me]).

Now, you see, Bridgey and I haven’t kept in touch very much (erCHEM at all), but after our recent re-connection over Facebook just this evening (check out this video about social media sites and how the actually make us feel more alone while we are trying to avoid loneliness) and how we both just finished an entire bottle of wine (white and red, respectively), I was so inspired to just WRITE.

 

Simply, write.

Being a twenty-something is ALL about confusion. I’m not sure if I’ve made myself clear in the previous blogs about that. I hope you’ve been able to decipher my indecisiveness about life and my irritability with 14-year-olds as really being me, Maggie Jane/all twenty-somethings, uncomfortable with the unknown and the unexperienced. It’s quite terrifying. And as my friend Bridgey said about twenty-something/ any-something bloggers, “it’s not my fault bloggers all take photos of their outfits or their meals or whatever stupid thing and earn money. how can they not think that’s annoying?”

I could SO easily agree with this homegirl of mine.

And I do.

 

People post EVERYTHING nowadays, and it really goes back to wanting to NOT be alone & be connected to EVERYONE (again, I direct you to THIS video to see the proof in the pudding, even though I only would eat vegan pudding ’cause I’m a vegan-ite-ish now, dontchaknow?).

And it’s like, who the MOTHER-EFFER cares?

So……

So.

 

 

I directed her to my blog. Not because of being vain or wanting more viewers or more press (press? that’s odd Maggie Jane that you use that word cause you’re all fancy and big league big time and all with your super frequented blog). But more than anything, I wanted to show her that there are twenty-somethings (like me!) that don’t post everything under the sun (actually they hardly post anything because they are so busy living their own lives and just experiencing the moment with red wine and no apologies) and that thrive off of human interaction and speaking Spanish and having wildly fantastic romantic affairs with Mexican men (email me if you want the scoop on that one cause there is a LOT of scoop on that one).

Then, after looking at my blog in her 1-bottle-of-white-wine status, she commented “dude your blog is hilarious. a+.” A+!!! Just exactly what I’ve been working for my WHOLE LIFE! AN A++++!!!

(please re-read the last line with the thickest sarcasm).

Now, this entre-parenthesis is not to say that I was not totally and completely humbled and flattered by Bridgey’s comment about my blog (esPECIALLY because she wants to get an MFA in CREATIVE WRITING… I mean, how much more BEAUTIFUL can it get?!; ultimately, my writing is to help me understand myself better and also is SO much about connecting with others (AGAIN, and FINAL TIME, click HERE). So to hear compliments from others, more than anything that others have connected with my blog, absolutely makes me squeal for joy and makes my heart flutter in the quickest of palpitations you could every imagine. Because ultimately, that is what it (life) is all about: the human connections we make and how we sustain said vínculos (connections, thank you very much español). 

I have felt stuck now for awhile, speaking of the blog title. I don’t quite feel stuck anymore, but I did feel stuck for awhile. I felt stuck as to what I was going to do with my life, where I was going to live, where I was going to work (which depended so heavily on where I was going to live), who I was going to be around to uplift me and love me and support me (again, which depended so heavily on where I was going to live), that I literally put myself into a self-induced paralysis (as opposed to drinking a whole bottle of red wine for several nights straight) and was so, but  I mean OH SO determined that I wouldn’t be able to determine anything. And oh man, if you haven’t hear of monkey-mind, what I just detailed briefly and not-so-en-detail is what we call Monkey-Mind. And I would say that MOST people experience Monkey-Mind, especially twenty-something year olds.

Well, anywho Maggie Jane, you certainly underestimated the power of the twenty-something.

AKA, the power of yo’self.

You, twenty-something-year-old, have the power to change your life. Your life is in YOUR hands. You want to know what you are going to do with your life? Crystal balls are for know-it-alls. And you, twenty-something, are SO much more than a know-it-all. Your twenty-somethings are for figuring your sh*ish out. You’ve already figured out so, so much, and you have SO much further to go. You see, dear darling twenty-something, you have SO much life left to be lived, and the most fatal mistake that we twenty-somethings can make is to set ourselves an age/date & time by which we have to have completed a certain number of tasks on a check-list. Meet spouse-for-life. Marry spouse-for-life. Have child with spouse-for-life. Find career-for-life. Figure your shit out for-life. Everything is for-life. For ALWAYS, it seems like.

And I have one thing to say to you (eCHERM, me) you fabulous twenty-something: sloooooow your roll.

yes. white-girl done said it.

S-L-O-W your ROLL.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. It’s not a requirement of your twenty-somethings to have it all figured out. If you do have a significant amount figured out in your twenty-somethings, then that is AWESOME and I am SO happy for you; you GO homebrother/sistah! But also equally if you DON’T have it all (or even most of it or even a little bit) figured out, that is SO okay. More than okay, that is what we would perhaps call, the “status quo.”

I just hope you know and want to convey to you, all you twenty-somethings, that wherever you are in your life right now is exACTLY where you are supposed to be; everything is good and bad, it is all black and white, Britney Spears and Pitbull, vegan curry and hamburgers: life is ALL good, all in its duality.

So, in conclusion, twenty-somethings, please be kind to yourselves, be gentle to yourselves, and especially if you don’t quite know what it is that you want to do with your life, have faith that if you put yourself out there and go with the flow, things will work out in magical and mysterious ways; the Universe is a grand ordeal and such a beautiful ride.

I love you, peace be with you; God bless, and party hard.

“Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start”

All you gotta do is start, twenty-something-loves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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