“The cat’s out of the bag.” That is what this title means. Sometimes, certain idioms can be translated from English to Mexican Spanish and have the same or similar meanings in both cultures.
I don’t think this is one of those idioms.
And I couldn’t care less.
I’m officially thinking (like actually seriously putting some deep slightly-high-on-mota thought) about staying in Mexico. You read that correctly. I am thinking about staying in Mexico.
There. The cat’s out of the bag. (Just don’t tell Jim and Susan [yet]).
That cat has been in the bag now for awhile. And after breaking it down with my girl Nora, There are various judgments that I have about staying in Mexico vs. going back to and being in the U.S. Various suppositions I have, “shoulds” running around in my head, “rules” of society I feel like I have to (*cough*SHOULD*cough*) go back to the U.S. People (gringos) constantly come and go from Mexico, so there is a revolving door mentality that people in the United States have about us spending time here. This is a place that could never be permanent. This is a place that isn’t the real world. This is a place that isn’t valid. It’s too dangerous. It’s too far. It’s a cop-out. “When are you coming back home?” they ask. “When are you coming back to the real world?” is what they really mean to say. But like, what the hell? This is the real world. To me, this world feels even more real than the one in the United States. This world feels more alive. Warmer. More vibrant and open. It is a world that pushes you to be more open. To enjoy life more. To slow down. Slow waaaaay down. Sometimes I miss the efficiency of the U.S., but then I am reminded that it is colder up there, even if you’re in the Sunshine State of California. People are colder. More distant. More preoccupied with the next step. More preoccupied with with the day to day routine and the hustle and bustle that entails. One could justifiably say that there are more opportunities in the states. I wouldn’t really be able to disagree. But the opportunities are different. But the economy isn’t all that super either right now. Not sayin’ that Mexico’s is better. Don’t get me wrong; I love my motherland for many reasons. I also love Mexico for many, many reasons. In fact, I believe that in a past lifetime, I was Mexican. That’s how connected I feel to this place. And I feel that right now, for Maggie Jane, this is the place where I need to be.
I thought that going back to the states and then traveling was the more courageous thing to do. But I’m realizing that it might be the other way around. They both require courage, but of a different type. The courage for either decision is empowering. But the courage to make the decision to stay here, to go against the grain and really be on my path? Well, that takes confidence, courage, listening to one’s heart.
So, I’m really quite positive that I am going to stay here. I have until Monday to make my decision, but now that I’ve felt like I’ve come close to making one and like I’ve basically already made my decision, I feel so much more at peace, at ease. The thing is, nothing is permanent. I can leave in January if I want to leave in January. I can stay for 10 years if I want to stay for 10 years. I can change my mind. I am allowed to. I just want to follow my bliss. And right now, at least for these upcoming months, my bliss tells me that it’s here in Cuernavaca where I am supposed to be.
So, boom. The cat is out of the bag. And that is where it just might stay.
“Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what you needed it to be. Don’t think that you’re lost time. It took each and every situation to bring you to right now. And now is right on time.” Asha Tyson